There’s a man banging furiously at the door. He has a gun. I’m not sure the fact he’s a gendarme makes it better or worse.
This is not necessarily the strangest thing to happen to us in Burgundy but it’s in the top three. The other two occurrences to make the list are, in no particular order: the day that, without warning, our water supply is cut off; and the day Melanya has an argument with a neighbour. The latter would be upsetting rather than than odd, except that it involves photographic evidence. And an axe.
We have rented a house in Tannay, a small village in rural France. The house turns out to be exactly as advertised. A former cafe, parts of it date to the 17th century. It has a spiral staircase hidden behind a door. Swallows nest in the beams of its porch. It’s everything we’d hoped for and we love it.
There are a few things, though.
The building’s owner, an artist, splits his time between France and Holland. This becomes important when one day a guy pulls up and starts doing something workmanlike on the footpath outside the house, which, we soon discover, leaves us without running water. We presume the council is fixing something or other but six hours later we’re still without water. It turns out the owner has not paid the bill. After some frantic ringing around and various conversations in a language not our own and about things we wouldn’t understand even if we spoke better French, we are revisited by the chap who cut us off many hours earlier. We discover, perhaps to our surprise but definitely to our relief, that the person we have mentally characterised as an evil water company representative is actually lovely. Quite clearly playing fast and loose with the rules, he reconnects us so that we have water before the owner sorts things – from Holland – the following day.
Our neighbour is a bit of a problem, too. In our welcome pack the house owner has made a special note that no wood chopping can occur between 5pm and 11am. The house is lovely but the living room is cold, so Melanya cuts some wood. It’s 1pm, well within the stipulated time. Nevertheless, she’s only a couple of chops into her task when a fizzing ball of fury appears at the fence, armed with a camera, and screaming in incomprehensibly rapid – but utterly incandescent – French. Melanya tries to engage but he is having none of it, and continues his stream of consciousness ranting, before thrusting the camera triumphantly skyward – Melanya’s guilt now captured for posterity – turning on his heel and striding away, a gleam of victory in his eye.
Apparently, we’ve landed in the middle of a dispute.
This is confirmed when it transpires that the gun-wielding gendarmes (there are three of them) are knocking on our door in search of our house owner. His car has been left in the town square and its insurance has expired. We are told that this is Against the Rules. Well, yes. Except no one has been fussed until now, even though the car’s been there for months. The neighbour, it seems, has made a phone call.
These three things all take place within the space of four days and we learn to roll with the punches. And besides, we love our time in Tannay. We take long walks in the countryside and eat picnics by the canal. We visit lakes and chateaux, and other charming villages in the region. We buy fresh bread from the boulangerie every morning, eat more cheese than our clothes can bear and drink wine until it seeps from our pores. We are visited from London by a dear friend and together we sit until 11pm watching the bats flit around us, while owls glide above.
In other words, we discover the France we were looking for. Who cares if we went without water for a few hours?
RICHARD
STRAY OBSERVATIONS
- We chose Burgundy as a destination in part for its exotic wines. Turns out 60% of Burgundy’s wine is chardonnay
- We also chose Burgundy because it would be less busy than, for example, the Dordogne. It was; there was hardly anybody around, and virtually no tourists at all
- Burgundians are excellent drivers but they go everywhere with foot flat to the floor. Do not try to keep up with them
- If you’re taking a cruise on a lake, make sure you do so with a group of drunk retiree trampers. It’s great fun
Kiwis on Tour 